Real Housewives of Dallas Archives

RHOD Mid-Season Top 10

Sweet Bun-Bun has gone to his Bunny Mansion in the sky, but thankfully my RHOD Recaps haven’t!

I’m back with a mid-season recap of the first 10 RHOD episodes. I mean…. It’s been a minute so thanks so much for coming back for more. Since it seems silly to go back three episodes to catch up, I thought a Top 10 would be the perfect way to bring everyone up to speed. So here it goes!

#10 – Kameron used to camp!

That’s right, everyone, before she became a self-proclaimed “Couture Barbie,” Kameron used to enjoy time in the outdoors. And how grateful are we that Bravo dug up the photographic evidence?

Kameron Westcott Real Housewives of Dallas Camping

#9 – Brandi’s bunny died.

Playboy Bun-Bun Redmond’s funeral (episode 8) was quite the spectacle, especially the children as pal bearers and creepy reincarnated human-bunny that mysteriously appeared after the burial. Even more creepy was the fact that Brandi kept her dead bunny in the freezer for six months while she figured out what to do with its body. And she looks to have frequently retrieved said frozen dead bunny from its icy tomb to snuggle (or at the very least pet). Given the choice between stuffing Bun-Bun for taxidermy or the requiem for her furry friend, I’m pretty surprised Brandi ultimately went with the burial service.

#8 – We miss Cary (with a “C”).

I mean no disrespect to Kary with a “K,” but Mrs. Deuber remains my favorite despite not starring this season. She’s teased us with her lingerie party and affirmed that she’s a true friend by crashing Kary’s not-so-inclusive ladies’ night with LeeAnne and Kam. I hope she’ll keep coming around even after all of the wedding festivities are over.

#7 – Brandi and Stephanie are still Ride or Die, and they have the podcast to prove it.

While Stephanie and Kameron seem to be feuding an awful lot this season, Brandi and Stephanie’s friendship is going pretty well. Somewhere along the way, they even started their own podcast, Weekly Dose of B.S.

It will be interesting to see how things play out with Brandi’s adopting Bruin’s biological sibling (his birth mom is pregnant again and the Redmonds have been approached about placement with them, in case you missed a step), especially given Stephanie’s ultimately being responsible for bringing sweet Bruin into their lives in the first place. Momming is really hard, and I’m encouraged to see that there’s no B.S. in the support these two have for each other.

#6 – Eduardo needs the “Travis Treatment.”

Remember how we all used to hate Travis because he treated Stephanie like a paid employee? All of those annoying lists and spousal micromanagement made us feel like he was borderline misogynistic. He seems completely transformed over these last couple of seasons. Now it seems Kary’s husband, Eduardo, needs to take a few lessons from Travis about how to be a supportive, non-patronizing husband.

Those telling moments during Eduardo and Kary’s datenight (episode 10) at Talum provide us with a glimpse into the control issues we’ve heard about all season. Eduardo’s smug lecture about how “we” talk at dinner was especially cringeworthy, and I can only hope he learns as much from watching himself on the show as Mr. Hollman apparently did.

#5 – Daughter Wars: The Saga Continues between Brandi and Brooklyn.

As I’ve said in previous posts, this story line highlighting the struggle between otherwise-bubbly Brandi and her oldest daughter, Brooklyn, is one of the most real things about the Real Housewives. I think every mom watching can sympathize with the dynamics here. It’s easy to get frustrated with Brandi’s essentially laissez faire approach to discipline, but there’s also real truth in the complexity of mom-guilt.

#4 – Travis and Stephanie are holding strong as our cutest couple.

It’s not to say that D’Andra and Jeremy aren’t as cute as pie with their cooking contests, but Travis and Stephanie’s relationship seems to be strengthening every time we see them. Travis’s 50th birthday party is teed up to air, and I can’t wait to see him in full midlife-with-a-hot-wife crisis!

Also, we know Casa Hollman is amazing, but how do we feel about the Jacuzzi in the master bathroom? Stephanie wasn’t thrilled with the pool in the living room when Travis originally purchased the home (Recall that he bought the house without consulting Stephanie. Consult #6 above.), and she makes a sideways comment about filling in the hot tub during her confessional. While I’m pretty concerned about humidity-levels in their bathroom, I absolutely love dynamic between Stephanie and Travis this season.

#3 – LeeAnne really does have mama drama.

Listen y’all, we saw this coming. LeeAnne has made no secret of her tumultuous childhood, in part because of her mother abandoning her at the carnival gates. We’ve met LeeAnne’s mother, Margaret, before when the two attempted to (unsuccessfully) work out their differences during a counseling session. Rich, in a pretty endearing moment over dinner, encourages has betrothed to cut her mother some slack because she won’t be around forever. Clearly LeeAnne still struggles with issues from her childhood.

It’s obvious LeeAnne is afraid of her mama drama taking center ring at the wedding. She makes no secret of the fact that her mom almost didn’t get an invitation to the wedding (neither paper nor text invite!). And we can feel the air chilling as LeeAnne’s mom is so late to the wedding that she almost misses it. Pardon the cliche, but this picture is worth 1,000 words:

#2 – Turns out Mama Dee is a villain.

Speaking of mama drama, turns out Mama Dee REALLY doesn’t give a rip! We learn over a series of really uncomfortable conversations that she intentionally left D’Andra a company in financial ruin, and she’s completely unapologetic about it. The dynamic between Dee and D’Andra is simultaneously fascinating and frustrating with the struggles over money and power central to their story this season.

I don’t know whether D’Andra is making a real effort to preserve her mom’s legacy along with the company or how much she really cares to, but the thread of financial strongholds in Dallas is front and center. And Mama Dee appears to be vying for the role as spokesperson for the Society for People Who Control Other People with Money. D’Andra’s wounds are deep, and Dee appears to still see her middle-aged daughter as a petulant adolescent.

Sidenote: Is the richness of the irony in character development of the D’Andra vs. Dee saga and Brandi vs. Brooklyn conflict apparent to anyone else? Okay; just wondering.

#1 – LeeAnne is married!

So D’Andra and Brandi didn’t go, and there wasn’t any food for the guests at the reception, but LeeAnne and Rich finally got hitched! Despite all the questions I have about the five-hour time lapse after the ceremony, the weird mirrored people milling around at the party, and why there really wasn’t a meal served at the evening reception, my absolute favorite part of the entire wedding episode was the trip to the Sonic drive-thru for chili dogs.

Congratulations and best wishes to the happy couple! Now back to the drama…

Did your mid-season highlights make this RHOD Top 10? Let me know via social media or comment below. I can’t wait to see the drama that unfolds in Thailand and beyond!

RHOD Recap Episode 6

The Housewives are back home this week for some engaging pillow talk, tenuous business dealings, and daytime lingerie-wearing. Also, I’m officially petitioning Bravo for a reality show for this cutie, Hilton Westcott.

Our Dallas ladies are back to Dallas for regularly scheduled programming. A few things are still lingering from the Careyes trip though. Stephanie is hurt because Kameron isn’t fully acknowledging the value of their relationship. Kameron is hurt because she’s misunderstood. (Remember she may look like Barbie, but you can’t play her!) And LeeAnne is still getting married. Here’s what you need to know to gear up for tonight’s episode.

Travis Encouraged D’Andra to Streamline Her Company

In other words, most of D’Andra’s remaining employees are staring in the face of some VERY hard nights (with few good mornings to follow). Mama Dee has left the skin care/lifestyle company in dire straits, and the heir apparent is still holding a pretty sizable (and tearful) grudge. D’Andra has been struggling over what to do with her business this season, and she’s finally found time to sit down with Travis for some advice.

Real Housewives of Dallas RHOD Travis Hollman

D’Andra is determined to preserve her mother’s legacy and save her company despite having only a few weeks’ operating budget available. Travis encourages her to think only about cash flow and to surrender her office space to save money. We know this means significant downsizing and moving the corporate offices to D’Andra’s home. I have SO many questions about this I hope will play out in coming weeks. Primarily whether D’Andra’s omnipresent trust is in someway linked to the solvency of her company.

Pay attention to the Jeremy dynamic here too. It seems to me that D’Andra, despite her self-proclaimed years of service to this company, is very vulnerable to influence. I’m curious about his role in her decision-making, and hope D’Andra will rely on her own instincts going forward.

Kameron is Sending Hilton to Summer Camp

And I’m here for it — the personalized pink trunk, the independent attitude, all of it! Kameron is spot-on about the crazy Texas parents who send their tiny people off to summer camp. It may seem crazy, but putting kids on wait lists for camps while they’re still in the womb is common place around here. (Other places where womb waitlists are necessary: Preschools and exclusive dormitories at the University of Texas.)

Just in case you were wondering, here’s the real reason Hilton is so excited for summer camp:

Real Housewives of Dallas RHOD Summer Camp Westcott Kameron Hilton

LeeAnne’s Lingerie Shower is Legendary

As you might expect, LeeAnne’s lingerie shower was the highlight of the episode. Say what you will about over the muscle breast implants, Kam, this bridal shower was a SMOKE SHOW. Let’s pause and explore this whole thing more for a second, ladies. Have you ever been to a lingerie party where you actually WEAR lingerie? Oh, really? Good, me neither. I thought I was the only one with no experience donning my boudoir best at 1 p.m. on a Wednesday.

Where do I even begin? First, Stephanie is encouraged during a really sweet pillow talk session with Travis to confront Kameron about her feelings from Careyes. And when she finally musters the courage to engage, Kameron walks away from the conversation. I think they both have a point here, and Stephanie continues to maintain her “ride or die” status with Brandi.

Real Housewives of Dallas LeeAnne Locken Lingerie Shower

Next we have the hilariousness of LeeAnne acting surprised by aspects of the shower we know she planned herself. As a fellow control freak, I completely get it. The cake, the be-peckled waiters, the circus/Moulin Rouge/whatever it is theme — according to Cary (don’t we miss her?!), it was all LeeAnne’s doing. The lovely hostesses with amazing asses, Stephanie and Cary, simply wrote the check and showed up.

And then there’s the fence story… You know, the one where LeeAnne talks about Rich’s and her exploits with a hole in their neighbor’s fence? Yes, that’s the one. We’ve known LeeAnne for a while now so we think she’s kidding. Then we pause for a minute and wonder if it really could have happened. She confirmed on Twitter last week that she indeed made it up, but she had us going for a minute.

Meanwhile, Rich’s real sex-ploit answer about being in flagrante delicto in the bathroom at a party is pretty rich too. Pun intended, especially since there’s photographic evidence.

LeeAnne Locken Real Housewives of Dallas

It’s also worth noting that D’Andra is no where in sight at the shower. Both Cary and Stephanie acknowledge that she was intentionally excluded. LeeAnne is still unapologetic about controlling her environment at wedding related events, and we ultimately know how this all turns out.

This Week’s Honorable Mentions

The flashback sequence during Travis and Stephanie’s conversation was a perfectly-timed reminder of his personal and spousal growth over the past three years. According to Stephanie, he also may have grown a vagina.

Kameron gives a whole new meaning to #modestishottest with her nightgown and slippers at the lingerie shower. She even recognizes that she’s the youngest Grandma there. Slow clap for Kameron for owning it… all of it.

Kary’s conversation with her 20-year-old daughter gives us some real insight to her experiences as a divorcee and mother. We already know Kary is really good at meddling in the lives of her fellow housewives. I’m relieved to see she meddles in her children’s loves too.

On another note, I cannot figure out where they were during this little mother-daughter talk. I love the chairs and the vibe at this place and want to visit asap. Help! Anyone?

I’d love to know what you think of the #RHOD this season! And if you like what you read (pretty please) share, comment, or like.

RHOD Recap Episodes 4 & 5

You said it, Kary! The button-pushing continues on the girls’ trip to Mexico. Here’s everything you need to know to catch up.

It’s two-for-one week everyone! So sorry to be MIA – I had to do professor work and mom for a minute. We’ve missed the drama, and I’m so grateful that you are back for the recap. Our favorite Housewives are still in Careyes, and from where I’m standing, this trip is all about tequila, tortilla chips, and very weird self-care. So here’s the skinny…

The Polo Match

Kari schedules a private polo match (who knew this was even possible?!?) to make Stephanie’s Pretty Woman dreams come true, and hijinks ensue. First, in the absence of close bathrooms, the ladies decided to duck behind a trailer for their potty break.

After that, everyone works out their grown-up cartwheel skills and pays very little attention to the actual polo match.

We learn that Kameron’s dad was a professional polo player in California. We also find out that Brandi and Brian used to own a polo center in north Dallas (you know there’s a story here…). And we meet my spirit animal, Suzanne, the lady who manages the polo operation.

The Dinner

Dinner out at the restaurant with the lowest roof in Mexico provides us with a telling glimpse of the ladies’ dynamic this season. Brandi and Kary dance barefoot on the table which grosses Kameron (and me) out, especially since the table dance was pre-dinner. That’s only the beginning of the crazy.

Remember how I said this girls’ trip was about tequila and tortilla chips? Well, here’s the very reason why. Shenanigans ensue and Drunk D’Andra insists that Kary and LeeAnne re-hash the room sharing issue. It’s all a misunderstanding. Things are quickly rehashed and resolved.

But let’s be real. Drunk D’Andra steals this episode. Drunk D’Andra and her Spanx.

The Conflicts

The funny thing about combining two episode recaps is that most of our story arcs resolve them from one week to the next.

Last week Kameron called Brandi trash, felt pretty bad about it, and apologized this week. In the midst of the finger-pointing and napkin-throwing, we wonder if there will be a speedy relationship recovery. Alas, a contrite Kameron reaches an understanding with Brandi, especially after LeeAnne offers some perspective about how words can be triggers.

The reconciliation causes some collateral damage with LeeAnne because she is deliberately cut out of the make up conversation. I see other conflicts brewing here — LeeAnne and Brandi; LeeAnne and Stephanie because Brandi might stir up some stuff over all of the suicide talk; more LeeAnne and D’Andra — let’s see where it goes.

Careyes Self Care

Second only to D’Andra’s Spanx are the unconventional adventures in self-care our Dallas Housewives embark upon in these two episodes. First, there’s the huge meditation bowl where everyone magically looks great laying down. The ladies spend some time reflecting and atoning in the Copa, and everyone except Kameron seems moved by the experience.

Real Housewives of Dallas Mexico meditation bowl

The day (or week in TV time) after their enlightening sound bowl experience, the ladies are covered in mud and lured back into the womb. The pregnant healer steals the show with the greatest irony in RHOD history.

Real Housewives of Dallas Mexico Recap Careyes

The ladies sweat and reflect on their self-improvement. Most interesting here are the intentions they all set for themselves before being “reborn” out of the human-cooking clay oven. D’Andra’s are clearly aimed at LeeAnne who is obviously absent from the womb saying she didn’t feel included in the experience.

Regardless these Careyes self-care scenes are fantastic! If only they had tried walking across that bridge…

The Housewives return to Dallas next week detoxified and refreshed and ready for state-side drama. There is lots more to come this season. In the meantime rest up and hydrate, it’s going to be a great week!

Real Housewives of Dallas D'Andra Simmons Blog

I would love to hear your thoughts on the Housewives and Bon Mot Recaps. Please share and comment with abandon!

RHOD Recap – Episode 3

Our favorite Dallas Housewives travel to Careyes to celebrate D’Andra’s 50th birthday, dish about prenups, and take a ride on the Tragedy Train.

In honor of the Real Housewives of Dallas girls’ trip to Mexico, let’s spice it up a bit, shall we? I think a highlight reel of the Episode 3 revelations is the best way to proceed with this recap. And there’s a lot going on tonight so let’s start unpacking this (suitable for commercial flights) luggage.

Put on your fabulous metallic bathing suits and pour a margarita, everyone!

Here’s what we learn in tonight’s episode…

Jeremy does laundry. D’Andra doesn’t.

The feminist in me just loves that this hot house husband (Stephanie’s roast, not mine) is called out for doing the laundry by his wife!

Real Housewives of Dallas Jeremy D'Andra

LeeAnne is good at getting free stuff for her wedding.

The scene where LeeAnne visits Nardos to design her wedding dress is — in the words of my 6th grader — cringey. I’m not sure if everyone was on the same page when the budget talks started, but Steve, the dazzling wedding planner, handles it like a boss. We’re seven weeks from the wedding, and there’s one thing we know for sure about that free dress — it will have a train as long as a…

Stephanie Sees a Life Coach

She and the kindergarten version of herself work on pervasive issues of low self esteem and anxiety. I love moments of venerability from my favorite housewives — they are so important for the ‘real’ part of reality tv.

D’Andra’s Priorities (in order)

Hair Emergencies
Sleep
Meeting with Travis

Careyes is a two hour drive from Puerto Vallarta.

Well, first we learn that Careyes is a beautiful coastal city in Mexico with a scary bridge across the water. But we have to get there by traveling via an annoying van trip through what can only be described as the ‘real’ non-resort-esque Mexican countryside. Better use the potty at the airport next time, ladies!

D’Andra’s a slob, and she owns it.

LeeAnne likes to sleep alone.

Listen, girl, I am with you on this one. While I appreciate Kary’s effort to use sleeping arrangements as a way to unhinge the bestie brigade, grown-A women don’t need to share a bed to feel close. Clearly the seven-bedroom compound has room enough for everyone.

Kameron’s Superlatives

Most likely to get lost in the airport on the way to college.
Most likely to be on the cover of Cosmo.

Looks like Kameron hasn’t changed a bit since high school. Could we love her any more?!?

D’Andra dated Eduardo’s brother!

And had she known about the Careyes vacation home, she might have made more of an effort in the relationship. (Guillermo is still single, ladies!)

Kary has her own jewelry line.

In the fight against the insulting infantile spousal allowance, Kary and Kameron bond over having their own money by way of their separate businesses. Now onto a collab – edible pink dog bracelets!

All About the Prenups

Kary has one. Stephanie has one. Jeremy has one. Kameron has one too.

Brandy doesn’t. And LeeAnne, well she’s a fourth-wife-lifer so no apparently there’s no need.

We also confirm what many of us already know — sometimes prenups include a weigh-in provision for wives. And it’s not just a Dallas thing. Rest assured, y’all, there’s no weight requirement for Mrs. Westcott, and she has a clever cupcake plan if anyone tries to change it.

The tragedy train has left the station.

We end the episode with some pretty heavy dinner conversation. While the other ladies do their best to stay out of the fray (Brandi is snoring away in her room), Kary and LeeAnne swap tragic stories of their upbringing.

Kary’s mom was an alcoholic and blew through all of her family’s money.

LeeAnne doesn’t want children because of her rough childhood. And she was molested over a shockingly long period of time. And she’s attempted suicide three times. Things get uncomfortable and tense, and we see LeeAnne’s fearlessness shine once again, albeit irascibly, in her confrontation with Kary.

I can’t wait to see what we learn next week! Until then…

Catch up on all #RHOD Recaps and subscribe to the blog!

RHOD Recap – Episode 2

Stimulating workouts, contrasting date nights, and infuriating shopping sprees play second fiddle to D’Andra’s 50th Birthday Roast in this episode of the Real Housewives of Dallas.

There’s a lot going on this week, y’all! The ladies are out and about trying a “vagine” stimulating workout at Ninety20, chatting over some delicious chips and queso at Kung Fu Saloon, and suffering through a $729 grab at a daughter’s affection. We are ushered along on a tour of some of Dallas’s hotspots (Cru, Sixty Vines, One Sette, oh my!), but end up at the center point of Episode 2 — D’Andra’s 50^th birthday ‘roast’ party.

Date Night

First, how cute is this glimpse into Rich and LeeAnne’s date night at Matchbox over margaritas and spinach dip? I love their interactions, and the fact that Rich has finished writing his vows well before LeeAnne even starts them is pretty endearing. I find so much truth in LeeAnne’s confessing she never really saw herself married, acknowledging that she always thought she’d have to take care of herself. Their date night conversation says a lot about the issues LeeAnne is still having with D’Andra, as she admits to being unfaithful to others their first date. Also, just spit balling here, but doesn’t Rich’s eye patch need its own Instagram?!

Real Housewives of Dallas LeeAnne Locken

How about Kary’s date night with Eduardo? Juxtaposed with LeeAnne and Rich’s time together, there’s palpable tension between these two. Maybe they’re just hungry. Kary calls out Eduardo’s jealousy and acknowledges some hard years during their second marriage. Regardless, they’re coming up on their 10^thanniversary, and I’m hearing some warning bells. Given that she’s new here, I’m anxious to see where the Latin lovebirds end up. Note to servers in Dallas though: do NOT attempt to take Kary’s dinner order before her appetizers come!

Beavis & Bestie

We’re still loving Brandi and Stephanie’s truly sophomoric friendship. Maybe it’s my weaknesses for 90s references, but the Beavis & Butthead moments are some of the best of the night. Brandi has memorized her roast but keeps notes on her hands. Stephanie is clearly nervous about the possibility of bombing at the party, but it’s so fun to see them fully embrace each other’s crazy. By the way, did anyone else catch that Brandi practiced her speech in the shower… for TWO HOURS?!?

Brandi Redmond Stephanie Hollman Real Housewives — Palm vs. Paper – The Battle of the Roast Notes

LeeAnne and D’Andra, on the other hand, are all business and a little bit of shade at their wine lunch. Ahem, Ms. Locken: “My mother doesn’t have any financial hold over me so I don’t really have a need to talk to her.” LeeAnne is clearly still pained by what went down and is seeking some pretty specific penance. It’s not enough for D’Andra to say she’s sorry (apparently for the third time), LeeAnne needs her to acknowledge that she was wrong to make accusations about Rich’s infidelity. D’Andra only sort of repents, but patches things over by inviting LeeAnne to her birthday party.

The Meat & Potatoes aka D’Andra’s Birthday Roast

For starters, how much do we love that no one is buying that this is an actual roast? Setting aside the idea that it’s not really customary to ASK to be roasted, D’Andra decides she wants to spend her 50th birthday with people having fun and “saying all the things they’ve wanted to say in public.” Um…. okay. We’ll see how this goes.

D’Andra’s assistant of three weeks acts as the emcee for the fete, and there’s not too much roastin’ going on at this roast. LeeAnne’s dissection of the event during her confessional is SPOT on; the hairs on her head speak the truth! Also true to form, Stephanie and Brandi come to play mocking everyone from Mama Dee to House-Husband Jeremy. Everybody else seems to play softball with the microphone.

(Said in your best Mama D Voice) “We’re changing the name of Hard Night, Good Morning…”

And then there’s the gift of… DONUTS! Jeremy gives D’Andra 50 donuts at the party to celebrate her love of food and the five years they’ve spent together. The other girls are appalled, rightfully so, but this gives a whole new spin on the birthday girl’s role as a sugar mama. There is no shame in her donut game, and they serve as the perfect dessert for this lukewarm roast.