Sorority at Forty(ish)

Look out, ladies and gentlemen, I’m officially a sorority girl, nay woman!  Some twenty years after graduating from college, I have gone Greek.  It’s not like I set out to pledge a sorority in my forties.  I’ve been a proud, self-professed GDI throughout adulthood (I don’t want to offend so look it up…).  Please don’t get me wrong here — it’s not as though I’ve stood in conscious opposition to fraternities and sororities.  I honestly never considered making it part of my undergraduate experience because a) I was never really exposed to Greek life prior to going to college; and b) Like most of my classmates at Texas A&M (whoop!), it wasn’t a priority for those in my social circle.  As a matter of fact, despite its growth in perceived popularity, Aggie Greek life has declined about 2% in the 20 years since I graduated (from roughly 14% of undergraduates in 1999 to 12% in 2018).  

The predominance of my Greek fluency has come from teaching at SMU where nearly 42% of students are initiated. I have always been curious about the costs (even the non-pecuniary ones) and benefits of membership, and I love to use sororities and fraternities as anecdotes in my nonprofit classes, i.e. “Why can’t your sweet parents deduct those membership fees?” or “What types of social capital might one derive from participating?”.  Ironically, I have only ever attended one fraternity party in my life, and it was at the now defunct Pike House at SMU (Pi Kappa Alpha if you are fancy; oh, and it was a much tamer group in the 90s…).  Needless to say, I have a lot to learn.  

Truth be told, I’m a much better sorority girl in my 40s that I ever would have been in my early 20s. I’m far better at understanding the sincerity and importance of the sisterhood.  While I’ll never know the rush of rush or the giddy excitement of the secret-location sorority formal (I’m fascinated by the idea that ladies and their dates board a bus to an undisclosed destination for such a shindig!), I’ll forever cherish the rituals of initiation.  It’s just as well because I’ve always hated surprises, and my pledge class of three amazing grown-A women suits me just fine.  Pledging as an old lady, ahem Honor Initiate, means I don’t have to be concerned with the reputation or preconceived ideas about specific sororities or their members. I didn’t choose Tri Delta. Tri Delta chose me. 

The story of how this all transpired is less glamorous than it may seem. I met Karen Hughes White, Tri Delta’s effervescent and indelibly impressive CEO while teaching a course as part of a Nonprofit Leadership Certificate program. Essentially Karen was my student. We became fast friends with a mutual interest in nonprofit organizational effectiveness and sound management (I always say I’m a hoot at cocktail parties…).  One day over scrumptious popovers at Kenny’s, Karen presented the idea of honor initiation and invited me to join the Tri Delta sisterhood.  I accepted immediately because a) These are the types of opportunities you should never turn down, and b) I loved the idea of aligning myself with an organization whose central values included “to be kind alike to all and value inner self and character above personal appearance.” Moreover, some of my absolute favorite women like my bestie, Tamra, and ‘fake’ nieces Landry and Chaney, would become my sisters and stand in support of my initiation.

The whole thing is pretty hilarious and indicative of the crazy opportunities I tend to stumble upon.  And I’m so honored.  I’m learning about the nuances of these relatively illusive organizations (kind of makes me long for Franklin’s Junto, but that’s another post for another time…).  I’ve unwittingly created a legacy for my daughter. And here’s the thing about sororities I’m just now starting to fully understand — they make a really positive impact on affiliated women, especially members of Panhellenic organizations.  Women in their 20s probably don’t fully appreciate the currency it provides.  The benefit of pledging a sorority at 40(ish) is that I know the value of strong female relationships. and I’m excited to see where this Tri Delta experience takes me.  In the meantime, I’ll be practicing the secret handshake.

Thoughts? Feedback? I’d love to hear from you, Bon Mot Readers!